Lost and Found

My name is Mr. Earl Harris Jr.-Bey. I was born in Clarksdale, Mississippi on May 25, 1966. My two parents, Mother Margaret Lackey Harris, Father Earl Harris Sr. My mother was born on September 8, 1949, and my father was born February 13, 1943. We moved to Chicago, Illinois at the time I was only six months old! We moved in with my great-aunt Lillie Ballard and my cousin Vester Ester. Ms. Vester allowed my parents and me to have her room at that time Vester was only fourteen years old. However, my cousin was so delighted to be around me she started calling me baby Earl. A phrase that is still in motion to this day.

For those who really know me, over the next few years my brother Quentin Lamont Harris came along twenty-three months later. Quentin was born April 28, 1968. My parents finally got their own apartment right after Quentin was born. A year and a half later my parents separated and decided to get a divorce. I was only four years old at the time, but I do remember my parents arguing very loudly and I saw my mother hit my father in the mouth with a mayonnaise jar. And he lost some teeth, so my father left and didn't come back.

A Childhood Marked by Loss

At that time, I was scared and confused. I didn't have my father anymore. My mother used to cry a lot. I never ask her what happened or why she was crying again. I was confused. So, my great-aunt Lillie Ballard came over to the house and brought clothes and bicycles to the house from my father Earl Sr.

My mother then started dating. She dated this man named John Randolph. I don't remember how old John was, but I do recall he was a Vietnam Veteran who spent four years in the Marines. He was very much in love with my mother, and they decided to have two kids together, which are my two sisters. Lolita and Demorris. Lolita was born May 6, 1972, Demorris was born September 15, 1974, they are still with me in physical form. I lost my brother Quentin in November of 1995, sad, very sad for me and the rest of the family.

I can recall when I was five years of age, about to turn six years old, my stepfather John took me to the beach and wanted to teach me how to swim. I was scared of the water, and I didn't want to get in the water and I didn't. So, after that, my stepfather flagged down a taxicab, and we got in the car. And we were stationed in the middle of Lake Shore Drive and all of a sudden, my stepfather strangles the cab driver to death and took the money he had and grab my hand and said to me, come on let's go. At the point we left got on the CTA bus and went home. I was so scared I peed on myself.

A few months later I had caught the measles didn't what that was, but it made me feel uncomfortable and frustrated. Right when I got over the measles by this time, I was six years old and my brother Quentin got hit by an ice cream truck. However, Mason took the blunt of the hit because he pushed my brother out the way, so it grazes him.

Searching for Stability

By this time my sister Lolita was born, which is my mother and John's daughter. And a year and a half later, Demorris was born. So now my stepfather and mother have two daughters together. About the time when they separated, I was 10 years old. So, at this point I was in and out of grammar schools. So, during that point growing up on the north side of Chicago went to Mulligan grammar school. And when I turned eleven years of age we moved to the northwest side of Chicago and went to Von-Humbolt grammar school for my 5th and 6th grade of schooling.

Then briefly we moved to the west side of Chicago. By this time my mother was with another man name John, he was a very big man. And my mother got pregnant again and brother Jeffrey was born. And doing that brief stay on the west side, I did enroll at Willam Penn grammar school for about six months. When we first moved out west on 15th and Ayers. I remember my mother sending me to this chicken place called Chicken Unlimited. It was a block and a half from where we were staying. She gave me a twenty-dollar bill. I went to the chicken place and ordered the chicken, came out of the place and got robbed by three guys. I was just about to turn twelve years old. They took my chicken and the change I have left. I was very mad and angry.

So eventually we moved back to the northwest side. By that time my mother didn't want to have anymore dealings with John because he was a married man and my mother didn't know that at the time.

I enrolled at Von-Humbolt Branch Junior High School for 7th and 8th graders. At this time, I'm about to turn thirteen years old. My mother start dating this man she met in a tavern. His name was Ramon, very tall guy Hispanic and a drinking problem. So, one day I wasn't home and I see my sister Lolita crying running out the house as I was coming to the house and she told me mama is bleeding from the neck. I ran into the house to see my mother bleeding from the neck, she had been cut very badly, and we were able to get some help very quickly. My mother was slashed by a knife two thirds of way in the throat area. I instantly went looking for this man at thirteen years of age. Couldn't find him so now I'm the big brother of the house. Now I'm becoming the father figure of the house, and my mother was struggling to make ends meet and put food on the table, paying rent, gas bills, light bills. Just simply doing the best she can as a parent. So now my mind is all over the place, no guidance, no support, no vision, no understanding, no way to predict.

Looking for a Way Out

At this time, I made it to the 8th grade. My mother was recovering from wounds around the neck area. By this time, I didn't go to my class. I was playing hooky and started shoplifting, burglarizing, all minor offenses until that one burglary they gave me probation for. My 8th grade classmates graduated and they all were sad I didn't, because I didn't come to school. I had to help my mom out and make sure my siblings were alright, which leads me to this friend of mine at the time. Name Jody was hitting on my sister Lolita at the time she was only 11, I was fifteen. She was crying. I asked her what's wrong and she told me what happened. I went looking for him and saw him at the corner store right across the way from where we were staying. I grabbed a aluminum garbage can lid and hit him on the top of his head about ten times. He had to have stitches, about 40 of them. I was arrested at 15 for aggravated batter on a minor. I wound up doing twenty-three months in the youth commission from 1981 to 1983.

I was seventeen years old when I got out. However, I did pass the Constitution test and got my 8th grade diploma when I was in the youth commission. I came home and staying with my father Earl St. He was staying at 6238 S. King Drive. Went spent the whole summer together because I got out of jail in the summer of 1983. I then enrolled in Englewood High School on 63rd and Stewart about four blocks away from where we were staying.

I finished my first year and I couldn't deal with the strictness of my father's second wife Lottie Harris. She was a good stepmother, but her strictness led me to leave. I ran away and stayed with my mother on the northwest side, went to Clemente High School, drop out and start gang banging, selling weed, trying to survive the only way I knew how not having any type of knowledge, wisdom or understanding about anything other than what I was doing.

A Life-Altering Mistake

Eventually at the age of twenty I start mingling with older people. People who were doing things I never thought about doing until one night I tried it, meaning sticking up a tavern. Unfortunately, someone named Mr. Rutkowski lost his life in a senseless robbery that led to an unintentional murder.

I can never undo my past transgressions. As a kid who grew up in a dysfunction atmosphere with no direction or structure. I'm a man now who knows and understands the value of accountability. I also know the cause and effect of trauma and its dynamics. I was arrested in 1986 for the robbery and murder of Mr. Rutknowski. I was sentenced to a natural life without the possibility of parole with two 30-year sentences running concurrently. At that time, I didn't value anything, not even my own life and yet I accidentally did, not intentionally, took a life.

Finding Purpose Behind the Walls

I was twenty years old when I took part in this unconscious and senseless act that led to my incarceration. By no means am I a saint but I also am not a monster. I was a lost soul who couldn't and didn't find the way to solve all the problems my beloved mother and father encountered during that time.

When I finally got to Pontiac C. C. in 1988, I was twenty-two years old. The moment I arrived I was terrified. For the first seven years of prison, I had a lot of time to self-reflect with solitude which in essence changed my attitude. In 1995 at the at of 29 I joined Moorish Science Temple of America which is a spiritual religious organization that has given me something I never had and that is everything I need to know.

A Soul Found

The only thing I wish I can change is bringing Mr. Wojtek Rutkowski back. However, Wojtek Rutkowski didn't lose his life in vain. I carry the spirit of this man in the utmost of respect. He really is my mentor. I say that proudly and sincerely. I took ownership of my life at the age of 29, and my conscious level has been elevating every sense then and as I utter these words to you all today, I'm no longer a lost soul. I'm a soul who has found himself and found his purpose and that purpose is to uplift fallen humanity. Here is my evidence of that. It's really not about me. It's about the God I represent and the people we serve.

In closing from the adverse childhood experiences to the trauma the challenges of peer pressure as a youth trying to do an adult job as a youth is sad. I now know that there wasn't anything wrong with me, but what happened to me was the answer. However, I take full responsibility for all my criminal acts as a youth and young adult. And now that I found myself, allow me to help others find themselves out there as well. I've done a lot already in here.

Quote of the light, there are two selves, The higher self and the lower self, The higher self is the Harmonies of the world! God The lower self is the illusions of the world! Devil